160 ~ I Have A Right

 By Kay Heitsch

I Have A Right!

For many years, I lived by my feelings. I lived a life of worry, high tension, and anger. I worried a lot! What if this or what if that?

Because of worrying all the time, I was under a lot of tension. When I sat down, my legs actually shook from being so tense. Plus, I had an undercurrent of anger. Did I have a right to be angry? You bet I did! I won't go into all the reasons I was furious, but I was!

I was also very negative. It was actually amusing when I think back. I had a neighbor who would call me every morning. Her first words were, "Well, what can we (blank) about today?"

We lived in a beautiful neighborhood, had terrific families, but our focus was on complaining and finding things we didn't like.

Somehow, I knew this was not the way to live. But I didn't like the way I saw religious people live either. I knew there must be a better way.

I wasn't much of a reader, but I decided to go to the library. I wasn't even sure what I was looking for. However, after browsing through the aisles, I found several books that seemed interesting. I took them home and started to read them.

Some of these books were really inspiring to me. They actually showed a different and better way to live. I wasn't too happy when I saw that this way of life was coming from the Bible. The people I knew who were religious didn't live this way! If there was one thing I knew I did not want to be like, it was them at all.

As I said, I knew my way of thinking and acting was not helping me. As I continued reading these books, which depicted people living a better life, I could see that this overcoming, joyful life was made possible by putting Bible principles into practice.

This was blowing my mind. I could hardly believe it! Why on this earth were people, I knew, who called themselves Christians, not living this way? I wanted to live this new life that these people in the books were living!

I started to type some of the tips from these books and put them into practice to see if they actually worked. Much to my surprise, they did! I was feeling more relaxed, happier, and less angry.

As I read these books, I noticed that the people who lived by these principles were often Christians. They not only trusted the Lord for their eternal life, but they also trusted Him to lead and guide them in their daily lives.

It seemed far-fetched to me at the time, but I could see it was working for them. As I began to put these principles into practice in my own life, they were working for me as well.

One thing I noticed while reading was something I did not like. I did not like the idea that to really live this overcoming life, right here on earth, I would need help. I wanted to do this on my own. I didn't want nor feel that I needed help!

When our 16-year-old son, Todd, died suddenly in a car accident, my whole life changed. I lived in a state of numbness for a while. It seemed I was watching a horror movie from afar.

I was going through the motions of living, but nothing seemed natural. I was offered prescription medication, but I declined as I didn't need to feel more numb than I did. I was trying hard to come to grips with this horrible reality, as my mind was screaming it was not valid.

Over time, I began to recall some of the things I had read in these books about living and overcoming life's challenges right here on earth, no matter what happens.

Could it be possible? Could I really live an overcoming life after the death of my son? I wasn't even sure I wanted to live, period! There were days I wished I had died right along with Todd. This pain was unbearable. Physical pain is one thing, but the pain a mother feels when her child has passed doesn't even come close to physical pain. What was I going to do?

I started to think, "I have a right to feel this way! I have a right to feel angry! I have a right to be sad! I have the right to dislike several people. I have a right... The thoughts came flooding into my mind.

As I sat stewing over my right, I had a soft and quiet thought sneak in. "Kay, you have a right to be happy! You have a right to live a positive life! You have a right to let go of things and people who have hurt you! I'm here to help you if you let me!" "Help?" Where did I hear that before?

Oh yeah, in the books I'd been reading. If I really wanted to overcome life, I would need help. I desired this life and desperately needed it to go on.

I'm so thankful today that I have allowed the Lord to help me. He has shown me Bible verses that have entirely changed my way of thinking. He has brought teachers into my life who teach people how to have eternal life and how to live an extraordinary life right here on earth.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2