By Kay Heitsch
It was many years ago that I had this experience. When I talked to the eighth-grade boy's SS class, this life-changing event came back to my mind. After the story "In Loving Memory of Todd" went into print, I received a phone call. The call was from a woman I had known for 17 years. Dee had given me the baby shower for Todd. We had moved to other states, and finally, we're back in Ohio when Todd died. Dee knew me pretty well back in the old days, so she knew what a total transformation my life had taken. Dee also had developed a personal relationship with the Lord. Dee was calling to ask me to come and speak at her church. Talk about freaking out; I immediately told her, "NO." There was no way I could ever get up and talk about this experience. I tried to explain to her that actually, I didn't even write the letter. I knew there was "Someone" guiding me as I wrote. I hadn't even attended church in years. How on earth could I get up and speak? Dee would not take "no" for an answer and continued to call.
After Dee's continued calls and my excuses, I received a magazine in the mail. I have no idea where it came from, but on the cover was a cartoon drawing of Moses. On the inside of the magazine were all the excuses Moses gave to the LORD for not doing what God asked him to do. Boy did this hit home. I was giving all the same reasons.
The next time Dee called, she told me that she had talked to her minister. She said that they had come up with a date that I could come over and talk. The date was going to be Super Bowl Sunday night. I agreed to go, but only because I thought no one would be there; I assumed they would stay home to watch the Super Bowl.
I was a total wreck the day of the talk. I started to pace around the house like a caged animal. I felt sick. My hands were sweating. I was sweating all over. The more I paced, the worse I felt. Thoughts were darting in and out of my mind. Finally, it was about time to leave. I felt something running out of my nose. I put my hand up to see what it was. It was blood! What is going on? I ran into the bathroom and put my head into the sink. The blood was pouring out of my nose. I couldn't get it to stop. I sent up a quick prayer, "Help me, Lord." At that point, a Bible text came to my mind, "I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."
What? It took me a few seconds to understand, but finally, I started to get it. This fear was not coming from the Lord. He wanted me to have power, love, and a sound mind. As funny as this seems, the words of an old country song also came to my mind: "Something good is bound to happen, cause the devil's working overtime." I stood up, grabbed a hand full of Kleenex, and went out and got into the van.
When I arrived at the church, the parking lot was full. Somehow the large group of people didn't bother me. I knew my strength was going to come from the Lord because He was giving me His power, love, and a sound mind. I also knew something good was bound to happen, and it did. Bible text: For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
1 comment:
Wow Kay, I can SO relate to this story. I remember when I was SS Superintendent and part of my job was to get up in front of the church to speak. Speaking in front of groups terrified me. I remember the anxiety you talk about, the first time I had to get up and talk. I was such a nervous wreck, that by the time I got to church I was a basket case. I'd been praying over this all week but as I drove into church I prayed, "Lord let these be Your words and not mine." A peaceful feeling set in. And when I got up to speak the words flowed, without my really having to think. Amazing how when we reach that point of surrender, miracles can happen.
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