Empty Inside

by Kay Heitsch

Have you ever felt empty inside, like there was a hole in your soul? For most of my adult life, I did. It didn't matter what I'd do or what new thing I'd try after the newness wore off and the excitement was gone; I still felt like something was missing. I can't say I had this feeling constantly, but it would come often enough for me to know that there was something that just was not right. I'd often think, "Is this all there is?"

Even though I didn't really care much about reading, I decided to find something to help if I went to the library. After looking around, I found myself in the Psychology section. Much to my surprise, I did find some books that looked interesting. I checked out several and began reading. Some of the books were superficial. I needed help, not a bunch of blah, blah, blah. But a few of the others seemed to be on to something.

I wasn't, and I'm still not a "religious" person. I didn't want anything that had to do with "religion." However, a few of these books that seemed to help had some Bible verses in them. I was intrigued and checked out more books by this author, Dr. Norman V Peale. I liked the idea that he was a "doctor." I figured I could skip over these Bible verses and just type out the tips in the book. This was something 'new,' and I liked that plus, for some reason, I was somehow drawn to these types of books.

I continued reading for several years. I got a kick at how my life was changing for the better by putting these "tips" into practice. I could see that these "tips" were actually things from the Bible, but I ignored that part. I felt happier and got a kick out of people saying I was their favorite custom in stores I shopped in. However, I still had a vague feeling I was missing something and felt empty inside from time to time.

For the most part, my life was good. I had to deal with typical situations in life, like the death of my parents for one. I'm an only child, so I had no one else to grieve with. But I seemed to be able to deal with those deaths on my own. However, when our oldest son, Todd, was suddenly killed in a car accident, now that was a different story. I found out I was shaken to my very core, and I needed more help than my own.

One day I came to the end of my "self-help." I somehow knew I needed much more than my own self will deal with my son's death. I knelt down and asked the Lord to help me. I don't remember what I said, but it was something along the line of giving myself to God and asking him to use me to bring something positive out of Todd's death.

In an instant, I felt a fantastic feeling of liquid LOVE filling me. Over time I started to notice that the 'empty feeling' I had was completely gone. I had finally found what I was looking for all those years. Was it "religion?" No! It was a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The hole in my soul was filled, I was no longer empty inside, and my life has never been the same.