45 - Todd and Sports

By Kay Heitsch

Todd was a good athlete. He started playing football in the 2nd grade. He was on a swim team in the 3rd grade. He played T-ball and baseball, and Todd played Tennis. Todd loved to snow ski too. He ran cross country and even tried wrestling.

However, football and cross-country running were his favorites.

I mentioned how Tim, a friend from Indiana, drove to Michigan for Todd's funeral earlier. Tim and Todd played football on the same team. Tim and Todd were up for "Most Valuable Player."Tim won, and Todd received the "Toughest Player" trophy. Yes, I was the crazy mom!

When we moved to Dover, Todd joined the football team. He loved it! However, his leg and growth plate were broken in practice. It was scary, so Todd decided to start running cross-country instead.

On the biggest football game of the year, the Dover football team dedicated their game to Todd. I'm proud to announce Dover won that game. It was a fantastic game.

A while after the game, a few guys from the football game came over to the house and gave us the game-winning ball.

Again, I saw God bringing good out of Todd's death.

44 - Not A Normal Day

By Kay Heitsch

Most days without Todd were somewhat normal, but not this morning.

While I was studying the Bible, a strange thought occurred to me. This was the thought. "Go to the corn stand at the antique mall." I tried to dismiss this weird thought, but it persisted.

After the "Bury the bird" experience, I decided to pay attention. I put my Bible down and said to the Lord. "If this thought is coming from You, I will go. If it's not, I won't tell anyone."

I had never been to the antique mall. Plus, I had no idea if there was a corn stand there. However, once I rounded the corner by the antique mall, there was a corn stand in the parking lot.

I wasn't sure what to do. So I reached down and grabbed one of my positive booklets that I carried in the van.

I walked up to the counter and handed the girl the booklet. She looked at the booklet. Then, much to my surprise, she asked, "Who sent you?" I couldn't lie, so I responded, "God."

This young lady told everyone standing there that she had prayed about 20 minutes before, and I was the answer to her prayer.

I gave her a hug, bought some corn, and got back in the van. As I drove away, I saw this young lady with her arms in the air, thanking the Lord.

I was also thanking the Lord for showing me that He was continuing to make something good out of Todd's death.

43 - The Race Is On

By Kay Heitsch

Evy and Susan continued stopping by the house to visit. I love seeing and talking with them.

One day, the girls reminded me that I had told Todd that I would run with him in the next race. Now, the race was coming up.

Yes, I had told Todd that I would run, but I was not a runner. I was half-joking when I said I could walk faster than those women my age run. Now, Evy and Susan were holding me to this comment to Todd.

I debated with myself and ultimately decided to run the race. It wouldn't be too hard. I never trained, but I did buy running clothes with a headband to look the part.

Ricky, Shannon, and I ran the race. It was harder than I thought. To make it worse, a guy kept running with me, complaining about how hard it was, and so on.

The next day, our neighbor, Bill, asked how the race went. I told him about the guy and also that this man's wife won. Bill laughed and informed me that this guy must have thought I was his wife's competition.

Well, let me tell you this was all the motivation I needed. I decided I would be the competition. I bought two cassette tapes. One was "Enjoying Exercise." The other was "How to Win at Sports." I listened to both daily and I practiced running.

Every time I ran, I came home and fell to the ground and sobbed my head off before I went into the house.

God knew I needed to release the pressure that was building inside me. The running and crying sure helped.

I'm happy to report that at the next race I ran, I saw this same guy and his wife. I ran right past her and won the gold in my age division.

I know Todd was smiling.

42 - Without Me Saying A Word

By Kay Heitsch

I was amazed how God had replaced Bill's drinking with singing. This was definitely not something I had ever thought of.

The group From the Heart stayed together for a while, but they eventually stopped going out doing programs and broke up.

I was worried that the singing might have been another crutch like the drinking, but it wasn't.

I had told Betty when I met her that I would not be staying at the church. I knew it was time to move on, and we did.

Betty and I remained friends until she died. Phil, Betty's son, had made cassette tapes of the group singing. Betty loved listening to them. She enjoyed talking about our times together and seeing how God works in our lives.

Over the years, Betty sent Brandon a birthday card with $5.00 in it. She did this until he graduated from high school. Brandon always sent her a little thank-you note. Betty looked forward to his note.

Brandon hadn't seen Betty since he was about 5 years old, but he certainly remembered her kindness and the birthday cards with $5.00 in them.

One of the last times I called Betty, I knew she was nearing the end of her life. I called Brandon, who was now an adult, and let him know about Betty's health.

Brandon made me proud and happy because, without me saying a word, Brandon ordered flowers and had them sent to Betty.

Carol called and put Betty on the phone. Betty was thrilled to receive the flowers, especially since they were from Brandon.

41 - From The Heart

By Kay Heitsch

It didn't take very long before Bill was singing a lot with this church group. One week, Carol asked Bill if he would like to sing a solo. Bill agreed that he would. To prepare, Bill stopped by the church to practice alone before he sang.

The morning of his first solo, I noticed Bill put a stool up front. Before he sang, he joked that he was going to be like Perry Como and sit while he sang. Then he said something else. He added, "I didn't understand what Kay meant when she said she surrendered her life to the LORD. But I do now.

This was the beginning of a new way of living.

A short while later, Franklin Graham came to an area near us. The newspaper had an advertisement asking for people to join the choir. Bill decided to go and join.

After Franklin Graham's message, he gave an altar call. Much to many people's surprise, Bill jumped over the rail and went up front. I can imagine what went through people's minds when they saw one of the choir members as we went forward. You know, God smiled!

Everyone enjoyed listening to Bill and this group sing. Churches were asking them to come and sing. So, they decided they needed a name. They came up with the name, "From The Heart."

One of their singing highlights was performing in Michigan and putting on a program at Grandma Z's church. Let me tell you, GZ was overjoyed.

40 - Not What I Expected

By Kay Heitsch

God sure wasn't surprised, even though Betty and I were.

After Bill sang with this group a few times, they suggested he take a few performance tapes home.

I found out the group was getting ready for an Easter program. It was looking like they wanted Bill to sing with them.

Carol and Joe put a few performance tapes together in a case. Phil, Susan's husband, showed Bill how to operate the music sound system.

I could not believe it when the group handed Bill the keys to the church and suggested he come over and practice alone.

Now I noticed that on some days, instead of stopping and bringing home beer, Bill would actually go over to this little church and practice singing.

Much to my surprise, Bill did sing with the group for Easter.

A few days later, we all went out to eat and talked about the Easter program. Bill confessed he had been hung over at the program from drinking the night before.

Interestingly, no one gasped or showed judgment in any way. This was not what I expected. It was apparent these people accepted Bill where he was.

Again, I was surprised, but God was not.

39 - Potluck and Music

By Kay Heitsch

I wasn't sure how long it would take God to come up with something to replace Bill's drinking. But even if it wasn't happening immediately, I didn't make any suggestions.

I had been seriously studying the Bible, so I decided to find the denomination my mom attended and see, from my understanding now, what they believed.

The first week, I spoke with a sweet older lady named Betty and explained to her why I was there. I also let her know I would not be staying too long.

Once a month, this small church group had a potluck. My homemade desserts were a huge hit. Bill was usually working, but I invited him to stop by on his lunch break. But he wasn't interested.

Betty and I became close friends. I shared with her my prayer for Bill.

One week, much to my surprise, Bill walked into church. The kids and I were sitting in a pew behind Betty. When Betty's daughter began playing the piano to a hymn, Bill started to sing.

When the service was over, Betty turned around and touched Bill's hand, saying, "You have a great voice." Bill pulled his hand back and abruptly got up, leaving the building. Betty was devastated! She was sure she had scared Bill away.

I never asked Bill why he left so quickly. But Betty and I continued to pray.

At the next potluck, I again invited Bill to come over. Much to Betty's and my surprise, Bill came walking in the back door.

After the potluck, Carol, Betty's daughter, came up to Bill and told him her mom told her he had a great voice.

Carol invited Bill to stay after the potluck and sing with her and a couple of others, with some performance tapes.

Betty and I were surprised that Bill agreed to stay and sing with these strangers.

But God was not surprised.

38 - Bringing In The Heavy Artillery

By Kay Heitsch

After I received the phone call that Todd had been in an accident, I called Bill at work. One of the office ladies had lived on County Road 81, so she rode with Bill to the accident site, as he had no idea where it was.

After Bill arrived at the site, he had to identify Todd's body. The jaws of life had to cut Todd out of the car, and all Bill saw were Todd's legs and feet. He knew it was our car and Todd.

Dealing with this site and Todd's death wasn't something any parent would ever want to deal with. Bill continues to work every day, but after work, he would come home with a pack of beer.

I was getting concerned, but didn't say anything. My dad drank a lot, so I was used to being around people drinking. I had an issue myself with drinking years before, so I knew I didn't want to go down this road.

I decided to bring in the "heavy artillery," I liked to call prayer. Every day, when I knew Bill was on his way home, I went into the bedroom and got on my knees and prayed.

I was a new Christian, so I didn't try to tell God what I thought He should do. In fact, I didn't know what to even ask for. So my prayer was short and to the point. Every day, I would pray that God would replace Bill's drinking with something.

Then I waited to see what God would do.

37 - Only Overnight

  By Kay Heitsch

Some foster children come in only for an overnight stay. When Brock came in, that's what we were told. However, he was with us for quite some time.

Brock was a cute, very smart 6-year-old. However, his behavior in school caused him to need a tutor in the summer.

Brock and Brandon became fast friends. So Brock insisted that Brandon sit at the table in the kitchen, taking part in all of his lessons. Brandon was all for it.

Instead of this being a challenging time, it was fun and educational for both Brock and Brandon.

We had other foster children who were given special exercises to help with their behavior. One exercise was jumping rope.

I never knew all the benefits jumping rope would do. Not everyone, but several of us jumped rope too, along with the guys. Maybe I should give that a go again.

Being a foster parent can be very challenging and heartbreaking at times. But I truly believe it was something God used to bring something good out of Todd's death.

Never forget, though, that God may have you do something for a time, but when it's over, it's over, and then it's time to move on.

36 - Questions and Opinions When Todd Died

By Kay Heitsch

Questions and Opinions When Todd Died.

When your child dies, people have opinions and questions. Here are a few that have stuck with me.

One of the first opinions someone had was that they did not think I was handling Todd's death. My response was, "You're right. I couldn't, so I turned Todd and myself over to God. He's handling it."

I've found that each death is different and personal. We all handle death and grieving in our own way. But people have opinions.

When I became a Booster, I was asked if I was trying to replace Todd with another child. My answer was, "No!" Other children can never replace the child who died.

We had booster and foster children who were from other racial backgrounds. I was asked if I was worried someone would think they were my children. It seemed like an odd question because I never gave that a thought.

In fact, having children from other races and backgrounds was a good experience for all of us. We accepted them as family.

Later in life, Brandon had people from other races wonder and ask why they felt so comfortable with him. Really, that was true for all of us.

In school, Brandon was asked to draw a picture of his family. At a conference, his teacher was confused by Brandon's picture. She said, "I thought Brandon only had one sister." I had to smile when I saw the picture. Brandon included all of his foster brothers and sisters.

Two more...Was your son driving drunk? No! Odd question for the man at the monument store to ask, I thought.

Was your son saved? I'll write about that later on.

People do have their opinions and questions when your child dies. These were a few that have stuck in my mind.

I don't know if I did and said everything right on my grief journey. Let's just say that I did the best I could at the time, with God's help.

35 - I Thought I Had My Limits

By Kay Heitsch

When I walked into the courthouse for a hearing regarding the Booster children, I was met by a lawyer I knew through the Booster program. He asked why I was there. He stated that the case had been canceled and suggested I come up to his office.

We talked and decided it would be the best plan for Bill and me to become foster parents to Ricky and Danyelle. We both enrolled in the program.

I told the LORD I was OK with having Ricky and Danyelle. Plus, He knew I wouldn't be OK with teenagers or babies. That would be too much for me. I had my limits!

The day we legally became foster parents, Ricky and Danyelle moved in. However, not only did they move in, but both of their teenage sisters also moved in with them. A couple of weeks after they were there, the oldest sister gave birth to a baby. I was with her in the hospital at her delivery.

Today, I have to smile! God knew I could not handle having seven children and doing eight loads of laundry a day, and so on. But God could. God knew He was going to work through me, and I was going to be just fine.

We were foster parents and boosters, welcoming 11 children into our home. I will not say that this is for everyone. It can be very challenging, but if it's God's plan for you, He will see you through.

Todd, well, I think he was surprised, but he is happy God was bringing good out of his death. 

34 - Where Were They?

By Kay Heitsch

I didn't know what we were supposed to do as a booster. Ricky came over to our home a lot. He was a smart guy and very athletic. He wanted to join football, so I enrolled him in that.

When his sister, Danyelle, turned 7, she was old enough to be in the program, so I became her booster as well.

We had both Ricky and Danyelle for several years. They spent a lot of weekends with us, and we even took them with us on vacation. They became part of our family.

One day, the school called and asked if I knew where Ricky and Danyelle were because they hadn't been in school all week. I had no idea because we would have them on the weekend.

I immediately drove out to their trailer, and there was no one around. This was very upsetting. No one knew where Ricky, Danyelle, and their mother were. It seemed that they had vanished.

I prayed often to hear from them, but it was crickets. Around 6 months later, I received a collect call from their mom. She apologized for not sending me the letters the kids had written and asked if we could take care of them again.

My prayer was answered, but what does this now mean?