"Lord, You Know I Can't"

by Kay Heitsch 

"Hi Kay, this is Dee. You know why I'm calling and what I'm going to ask you again." I sighed. "Dee, you understand very well I can't come over and talk at your church." I did write the letter, "In Loving Memory of Todd," but quite frankly, the Lord helped me write it. I can't come out and talk about Todd's death in public." There was a short pause. "Kay, our minister, and several people have read the story, and we believe the Lord wants you to share your testimony. I'm going to keep calling until you agree to come. I'll talk to you soon. Goodbye." I hung up the phone. 

"You must be kidding; I can't believe Dee will not accept "No" for an answer," I mumbled to myself. I'd known Dee for years. In fact, Dee had given me the baby shower for Todd. Back in those days, neither Dee nor I were Christians. In fact, we'd spent a few nights in bars together. We hadn't seen each other in years, though. Bill had been her boss when we lived in Norton, Ohio. We had moved several times, even out of the state, and now here we were back in Ohio. Dee was working for Bill again, sixteen years later. 

I hadn't been a Christian very long. In fact, I wasn't a member of any church when Dee kept calling. I'd heard about her church from other people, though. They were this "Spirit-filled" bunch. I wasn't sure what that all meant, so I didn't even know what to expect if I ever did go. 

I started to talk to the Lord about Dee's constant calling and insistence on me coming to share my testimony. "Now listen, Lord, You know very well I can't go over to Dee's church and talk. I don't want to cry in public, for one thing. I don't even know what I would say. You know better than anyone; I haven't even been going to church. I can't do this, and You know it." From deep within me, I heard a still small voice, "I know you can't, Kay. You couldn't write either, remember? If I helped you write, I'd help you talk."

 I have no idea where they came from or who sent them, but I began receiving Christian magazines in the mail. One magazine arrived shortly after my last conversation with Dee and the Lord. On the front cover was a cartoon of Moses. Inside of the magazine was an article about the different excuses Moses gave the Lord for why he could not do what the Lord wanted him to do. I started to see that I was doing the same thing Moses did. I was even coming up with some of the same excuses. 

The phone rang again. "Hi Kay, this is Dee. I'm not calling to ask you if you'll come and talk this time." Oh good, I'm off the hook!" I felt relieved. "No, I'm calling giving you a date and time when we will be expecting you to come over to our church and share your testimony. We'll be seeing you on Super Bowl Sunday night." 

Well, after the magazine article I'd read and the Lord's message to me, I thought I'd better go. After all, I figured no one would be there anyway because it was on Super Bowl Sunday night. Boy, was I wrong? There were lots of cars in the parking lot when I arrived. To be honest, I really don't know what I said that night. All I remember is that after I talked, people came forward giving me lots of hugs, which I needed. This "Spirit-filled" group was exactly the group I needed to begin sharing my testimony with. They were loving and kind and not afraid to show their feelings; I felt blessed by the experience. 

"Hi Dee, this is Kay. Thank you for allowing me to come and share my testimony." There was a pause. "Kay, the Lord and I both knew that He would give you the strength you needed to do it."

Ask And You Shall Receive

by Kay Heitsch,

I was standing in the bathroom putting on my make-up when the phone rang. I answered it. "Hello. Is this Kay Heitsch?" "Yes," I replied. "Hi Kay, my name is Ric Cox. I'm the Executive Editor at the Peale Center for Plus Magazine. Dr. Peale received the letter you recently sent him and asked me to call.

First, I need to ask, are you a professional writer?" "No," I replied. "Well, we were wondering because of the way the letter was written." "I didn't write that letter," I blurted out. "What?" was Ric's response. "Well, I did write it, but I wrote it so fast I truly believe the Lord wrote it through me." "Oh, I understand what you're saying now." Ric went on,

"Kay, Dr. Peale was wondering if you would give him permission to print your letter in Plus Magazine." I was shocked. "Certainly, I will give my permission to print this letter. I would be honored to have my letter printed in his magazine," I said. "We'll be sending you a printout of how your letter will appear in the magazine and some other papers in a few weeks," Ric explained before he said goodbye.

Just that morning, during my Bible study and prayer time, I'd made a request to the Lord. I'd asked if it is His will that I might meet Dr. Peale or one of his staff. I felt meeting Dr. Peale would be an excellent motivator for me to stay on track. However, I told the Lord to forget the idea if I was going to be disappointed. I've found that I don't always know what's good for me. After hanging the phone up, I remembered my prayer. Wow! "Ask, and you shall receive," came to my mind.

A few weeks later, I received an envelope in the mail from the Peale Center. I took the envelope to the house, put it on the counter in the kitchen and opened it. As I pulled the papers out, I was stunned to see that the Peale Center had given my letter to Dr. Peale a title: "In Loving Memory of Todd."

I felt overwhelmed at the sight of those words. I could see the Lord had also answered another prayer. A few months earlier, when I gave my life to the Lord, I'd asked the Lord to bring something positive out of Todd's death. Now I could clearly see He was doing just that.

Singing As We Walked Along

by Kay Heitsch

When I called the number, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I saw the ad in the phone book, and it looked like something I would enjoy: "Non-Medical In-Home Care." The ad stated that I would be helping people, I assumed elderly, stay in their own homes. This sounded like the job for me. I love older people. I'd spent a lot of time volunteering in nursing homes. This ad said these people were well enough to still be at home. Well, that's what the ad said anyway.

I called the number and then went over for an interview. I was asked if I minded going to the hospital and sitting with a woman who was a patient there. Boy, this doesn't sound too bad. Was I ever in for a surprise!

My first client, Marian*, was definitely not able to be home alone. In fact, when she left the hospital, she went right over to the rehab center to learn to walk again after a hip replacement from a fall. Marian's physical therapist was from India. One day she looked at him, then she looked at me and demanded, "Take me back to the United States!" The therapist and I both looked at each other and smiled.

From the rehab, Marian went to a memory care center. This was not what I had in mind when I answered the ad. But for some reason, I was able to connect with Marian. I felt the Lord had brought us together. Dealing with all of Marian's problems, and there were many, was not easy. Just keeping her calm was a huge ordeal. I didn't know what to do, so I would pray and ask the Lord to give me some ideas.

One of Marian's many problems was her repetitive words, phrases, or noises. After hearing the same thing over and over, I really started to pray for suggestions. One day I had the idea to sing. It wasn't long before Marian was singing with me. When we didn't sing, I had the idea to give her gum to chew. The chewing seemed to help with the repetitive sounds, too. After some time, all of the repetitive sounds stopped.

It wasn't very long before other residents started to follow us when we walked and sang. It wasn't uncommon for visitors to walk along and join in singing, also. On one occasion, a few women were walking with their mothers. Some were also wheeling them in their wheelchairs. We were all in a line, wandering and singing. Suddenly, one of the girls who worked at the memory care unit came around the corner. Without missing a beat, she said, "Well, here come the holy rollers." We all started to laugh. We thought that was a cute name for us, as we were rolling our loved ones and singing hymns at the time.

I was with Marian for almost six years before she died in December 2007. I have a lot of good memories of that time. Even though this sure wasn't the job I thought it would be, I knew it was the job the Lord had for me to do.

*Name has been changed.