A Storm Up Ahead

by Kay Heitsch

My husband Bill was driving out west. He kept hearing on the radio that there were several tornadoes spotted. As he drove, he could see what looked like a tornado behind him. He put the pedal to the metal and tried to outrun it.

Wouldn't you know he looked at the fuel gauge? He had no choice but to stop for fuel. Of all times, when he didn't want to stop, he had to.

As he started out once again and got a few miles down the highway, he had an eye-opening experience. Trees were cut off. Debris was all over the road. It looked like a tornado had hit this area hard because it had.

Bill knew if he hadn't stopped for fuel, he would have been right in the middle of this tornado.

Sometimes you are delayed where you are because God knows there's a storm where you're headed. Be grateful!

This was so true for Bill this day.

Happy Birthday, Todd!

by Kay Heitsch

It seems like only yesterday that I held you in my arms for the first time. You were so alert. You smiled, and someone said it was just gas, but you and I know better.

I remember some of the cute things you said and did as you were growing up. When you tried on your first pair of big boys' underwear. You put your little hand in the front.

In your sweetest little voice, you looked up at me and announced, "Well, it's not a pocket!" I laughed then, and I smile now every time this memory comes to my mind.

I recall when our neighbor's Sherry and Jim took you to church with them when you were around 3 years old. You came home and, in a frustrated voice, said, I couldn't dance! They didn't have a violin.

Remember when we lived in Sandusky? You were about four at the time. You were friends with a little African American boy named Donald. One day you were both in the bathroom. When you came out of the bathroom, you yelled, "Hey Donald, we're brothers! We both have brown poopy!"

You were a wonderful big brother to Shannon and Brandon. Thank you for that! I well remember when we lived in Indiana, and a neighbor came over and talked to me. He said he had never seen any brother treat his sister as caring as you treated Shannon. You called her " little darling" and that she was. You really stuck up for her. I always wanted a brother, and if I had to choose one for myself, you would have been it!

When Brandon came along, you were terrific with him. Brandon tried to follow you everywhere you went. I can almost hear Brandon's little feet walking down the hall now. Many mornings he would get out of his bed to come down and crawl into bed with you. You would then get up and fix him breakfast. I'm so happy you had this particular time together.

Even on the day you left for the last time, Brandon was crying at the door, wanting to go with you. We didn't know you wouldn't be coming back. I don't know if you knew. But you gave Brandon a big hug goodbye. Then looking at me, standing at the sink, you smiled. With a point of your finger, saying, "Later, Mom!" Little did we know then how much later that would be.

You and I had a great relationship. I actually felt like you were my very best friend. I know people say you should be a parent and not a friend and I understand that. But I think I was also a good mother to you and even your friend.

I loved the way you would share your day with me after school. I know you probably didn't share everything, and that's okay, but we still did a lot of talking. I can even see you sitting on the counter in the kitchen, talking, as you watched me make dinner.

I also loved the way we took our walks/jogs. It was fun taking Brandon in the stroller and Shannon walking along. The neighbors talked about our walks/jogs with the stroller after you left.

Coming down to your room and lying on your big king-size water bed is a special memory. I loved talking with you. I actually would go down and lie on your bed after you left, thinking of all our conversations. I would hold your letterman jacket close because it had your smell for a long time.

Todd, you have so many beautiful friends. I know they all have some funny and great memories of you. They've shared many with me. Each one has touched my heart.

A lot has changed. Shannon and Brandon are now older than you! It must be cool to be forever young.

I love you, Todd. I know you're having a wonderful birthday in heaven. Give Jesus a big hug for me.

Love You Forever, Mom

Comfort Zone

by Kay Heitsch

I've met some fascinating people in my life. Each person has a story, and I've learned so much by listening to them.

The other day I was talking to a guy at Planet Fitness. Jim* shared with me a few things about his life that were pretty surprising. However, what stood out to me the most was what happened to him after a heart attack.

Jim shared how after the heart attack, he saw life in a whole different way. He said that even 'small things' he saw brought joy to his heart. He noticed things he never even paid any attention to in the past. Isn't it amazing to see how something like a heart attack can open someone's eyes?

I, too, remember how I saw life totally different after Todd died. It seems strange, but somehow when we are taken out of our comfort zones, we start to see life in a whole new way.

I don't like to be taken out of my comfort zone, but I've learned that even when I am, God has a way to open my eyes to things I had never noticed before.

*Not real name

Storing Up Ammunition

by Kay Heitsch

I've known people who store up ammunition. I'm not talking about ammo for guns, but negative ammunition to use on people. Why anyone wants to keep this negative stuff stored in their minds is beyond me, but they do. I've done it myself.

Whenever someone does anything that they don't like, they get their ammunition and let them have it. "Well, I remember this, that, or the other that you said or did" is how people start to unload the ammunition. After it's all over, everyone feels bad.

Wouldn't it be nice if we would start to store up some positive ammunition instead of the negative? When we have an opportunity to unload on someone, it would be from the positive ammunition we've been storing up.

I think I'll start to think of some good things about people I know and start storing up some ammunition.

You Think You Know But You Don't Know

by Kay Heitsch

Have you ever noticed how some trees take forever to drop their dead leaves?

I was thinking about how these trees were a lot like me. Why on earth did I hang on to things that were dead for so long? We all know that worry, anger, bitterness, jealously, etc., do not add one thing to our lives. They are draining. When some unhappy thought (dead leaf) would come to my mind, tears would fill my eyes, or I would feel angry. However, I would still hold on to them instead of letting them go.

I used to think I had a RIGHT to feel this negative way. Yes, I did; that was a fact! But I started to see that this was the wrong way to think. It seemed right at the time, but it wasn't at all. I had a RIGHT to be happy and at peace too, but I didn't realize that.

My dad had a saying, "You think you know, but you don't know." That was so true! I thought I had a right to feel the way I did. But I didn't know I had a right to let these things go and be happy too. I thought I knew, but I didn't!

It was enlightening for me to read the Bible and learn that I could replace these draining dead thoughts with a new way of thinking. I could drop the dead leaves in my life and let some fresh green leaves begin to grow.

When negative thoughts would try to fill my mind, I found Philippians 4:8 to be very helpful. "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

I'll admit some draining thoughts do come to my mind at times. But now I DO KNOW that these can be replaced by healthy ideas that are life-giving and make life a lot more enjoyable.

What You Don't Feed Dies

by Kay Heitsch

What you don't feed dies! Now that's a fact.

Over the years, I've had to think, "What you don't feed dies!" more than a few times regarding some thoughts and behaviors I wanted to get rid of.

Years ago, I could get myself in an absolute panic over something just by the wrong thoughts I would think about it. For instance, I gave Todd an allergy shot. At first, when I started giving them to him, I would go into a panic. I would start to sweat, shake, breathe heavily. I'd beg Todd to let his dad give him the shot, but oh no, he insisted I could do it. Each day, long before I had to give the injection, I'd think, "Oh, I can't do this. What if he goes into some reaction? What if....?" I'd have myself all worked up just by wrong thinking! It was sad, but I didn't know any better.

When I started to study the Bible, I saw how I was supposed to have this abundant life that Jesus died to give me. John 10:10. I wanted to live this life! But there were a lot of things I had to work out with the Lord. This wrong thinking was a big one. Slowly, I began to understand how my thinking was negatively affecting my life. I needed to stop feeding these negative thoughts. I knew that if I didn't stop feeding these emotions with negative thoughts, it would not be good.

I also learned that replacing wrong thoughts with something positive is an added bonus. When I have to do something that I feel uncomfortable about, I have a few Bible verses I use. One is, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength." Philippians 4:13. Another one is, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 It's incredible how my life has changed just by taking charge of my thinking.

"What you don't feed dies" I hope one day I won't need to keep reminding myself of this, but until that day comes, I keep pressing on.

Todd's Not Here

by Kay Heitsch

When I looked into the casket of my 16-year-old son's body, I had an eye-opening experience. I've been to many calling hours and funerals in my life, but I had never had an experience like this. It was obvious to me that my son, Todd, was not here. Yes, his body was in the casket, but Todd was gone.

My Aunt was standing next to me. I looked at her and said, "Todd's not here." Because of her religious beliefs, she put her arm around me and tried to tell me that he was. I knew that this child I had carried in my body for 9 months was not in this body lying in this casket any more. Yes, his body was here, but Todd was not!

I wasn't a religious person. My mother was part of a religious group that had their set of beliefs. I went to church with her as a child, but I'll be honest, I didn't exactly know what I believed.

As the days went on after Todd's death, I found myself going out to the location where the accident happened. I never told anyone. I'd sit in the van and would look up into the sky, thinking, "This is where Todd left his body." This may not be an odd thought to many reading this, but it was to me. This thinking was not something I had been taught. Many years later, I told my husband how I had gone out to the accident site. Bill said he had also gone out there, thinking this same thing. However, he never said anything to me at the time.

I needed to find out what I believed regarding the Bible. Since I wasn't accustomed to reading the Bible independently, I wasn't sure where to start. First, I had to buy a Bible. I purchased one of the versions that were easy to read. I made sure it was a paperback type. I didn't want to waste the money on something I didn't know I would use for long. I'd begin each study session with a prayer asking the Holy Spirit to teach me what I needed to understand. I felt very strongly that the Lord knew me better than I knew myself. He knew what I had been taught. I truly believed that since He did, He would guide me along the way. I opened the Bible.

Every time I'd opened the Bible, I would open it to the verse, "What is truth?" John 18:36. I'd think, "That's what I'm looking for!"

I thought it was fascinating to see that the Lord didn't show me any texts, at first, to my most pressing question. "Where's Todd?" He started me out in the book of Romans. It was an eye-opening experience to study this book. I'd highlight verse after verse and go over them many times.

The book of Romans talked about a "free gift." I read the words, but it wasn't until I started to read in Ephesians that this "free gift" really stood out to me. "For by grace, you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2:8. I jumped out of bed and ran into the living room where Bill was sitting in his recliner. I was so excited when I told him what I had found in the Bible. Eternal life is a "free gift" It has nothing to do with works.

I started to find myself spending hours, and I mean hours studying the Bible. I never cared about reading, but now I found myself sitting for 4 or 5 hours digging into the Bible. This was so odd to me that I knew this had to be the Lord. When we had foster children living with us, I'd get up at 4:00 am to have quiet time to study before everyone started to get up. Every day was an eye-opening experience into the freedom I had never known. The verse, "You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free." John 8:32 now had a deep personal meaning to me.

I didn't use any Bible study guides. I only used the Bible and colored pencils and markers to highlight verses that stood out to me. I thought it was pretty interesting to see all the verses I would highlight about "Do not worry." or "Be anxious for nothing." The Lord knew I had an issue with worry and being anxious. Later I read somewhere that there are 365 verses on "Do not worry." in the Bible. I may have them all highlighted. :-) I started to highlight "Trust the Lord" over and over. My thought life was changing for the better; that was a fact. I began to relax and trust the Lord a little more every time I'd study the Bible.

The book of Psalms became a book I studied. I typed the words, "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 I typed, I CHOOSE to be happy! Next to the Psalm and put it on the refrigerator where I could read it every day.

Well-meaning people would ask me questions like, "Was Todd saved?" etc., etc. I was so thankful that I had been studying the Bible because the words "Do not worry." and "Trust the Lord." would come flooding into my mind when they would ask. Because, how would I know where someone is in their spiritual life? How does anyone know? You may sit next to someone in a pew week after week and not have a clue if they even believe at all. You may think they do because they sit in a pew, but you don't know; only God knows a person's heart.

Slowly I started to see verses in the Bible that answered my question, "Where is Todd?" However, it wasn't until I put Todd in the Lord's hands and trusted Him with Todd that I found these verses. I also had to give up my worry and anxiety over this issue. I'll be honest, I was so into studying the Bible and learning on my own that when I started to see and understand where Todd was, I'd almost forgotten this was the main reason I bought this Bible in the first place.

There are many texts in the Bible about life after death. Most Christians know these, but I didn't, so it was an eye-opening experience to find these in the Bible.

Yes, as most do, I knew that when a person dies, their body goes back to dust. Ecclesiastic 12:7 tells us that. That's a fact. I could go and have Todd's body brought about up, and his body may still be somewhat intact. I believe his favorite stuffed animal I put in the casket, along with some cross country medals, is still there too. His body would be starting to go back to dust. The Bible also says, "The dead know nothing." Ecclesiastic 9:5. So right, if I asked Todd's body anything, he would not answer. Why? Because Todd's not there! We are more than a body. The Bible says, "The spirit returns to God who gave it." Ecclesiastic 12:7 after the body dies.

I started to read in 2 Corinthians 5:8 "Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord." Philippians 1:22 & 23 reads, "But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me." In 2 Corinthians 5:1, "For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands."

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 1 Thessalonians 4:14. I love this, "God will bring with Him."

The body is asleep in the grave, but Todd and all of us, are more than a body. Todd's real self is with the Lord, and when Jesus returns, He'll bring Todd with Him. "And so we will be with the Lord forever." 1 Thessalonians 4:17.

"Todd's not here," but I know where he is. Yes, his earthly body is in Mt Hope Cemetery, but Todd's not there.