Step Back! I'm Not Afraid To Use It

By Kay Heitsch

Step back! I have a mustard seed, and I'm not afraid to use it. ~ Believe Quotes ~

I used my mustard seed faith many years ago and wrote a letter to Dr. Norman V. Peale. At the time, I didn't know what a mustard seed faith was, but now I can see I put this small faith into practice.

I did not know who Dr. Peale was when I started to read his books. I was searching for something, but I didn't know what. But later, I found out Dr. Peale was a minister who wrote his books for mostly the unchurched, which I most certainly was.

Dr. Peale wrote about people who had these overcoming lives no matter what they were going through. I thought they were half nuts initially, but I also wanted what they had.

After I gave my life and Todd to the LORD, and He had brought many great things out of Todd's death, I wanted Dr. Peale to know and to thank him for helping me.

I knew Dr. Peale received thousands of letters a day. But somehow, this did not stop me. I now see I was using my mustard seed of faith and wrote him anyway.

I started my letter, "Dear Dr. Peale: I became acquainted with your writing strictly by accident. If I had known you were a minister, I wouldn't have touched your books with a ten-foot pole. I was searching for something. I wasn't sure what."

Well, to make a long story short, Dr. Peale received my letter and printed it. This letter went out to 118 countries in a magazine and was also printed in two books. The rest is history.

I know now if something is the LORD's will for our lives, all we need is a mustard seed of faith and to step out.

We can all say, Step back! I have a mustard seed, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Freaking Out!

By Kay Heitsch

I will always remember Super Bowl Sunday many years ago. This was the 1st time I had ever given my testimony in public. I was freaking out!

A friend I had known for years kept bugging me to come to her church and give my testimony. #1 I didn't go to church. #2 Her church was one I had heard odd things about. #3 I didn't want to talk about Todd's death. #4 I had no idea what I would even say. #5 I was terrified to speak in front of people. The list of excuses went on.

But the day came. I had not prepared anything to say. I figured I could get out of talking. But now, here I was in a panic. I began to pace the floor. I was sweating and shaking. As the time to leave came closer, my nose began to bleed. I was having a hard time getting it to stop. Then, a thought came to my mind as I had my head in the sink. "Kay, I didn't give you this Spirit of fear. I'm giving you power, love, and a sound mind." I didn't know this was a Bible verse at the time.

Then it hit me! Another thought came to me, "If the devil's working overtime, something good is going to happen! The Bible verse, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Philippians 4:13 also came to my mind.

I did go! I had a new determination! Nothing was going to stop me now!

I have no idea what I said, but people came running up to the front after I spoke and hugged me. These "odd" people were precisely the kind of people I needed.

This was the beginning of giving me testimony in many different places, including other churches. The Lord knew I needed to talk about Todd's death and how He had brought so much good out of it. Talking somehow brought a healing balm to my broken heart.

God knew what I needed, and He did give me His strength. I am forever grateful I did step out, even though I was freaking out!

Dealing With Death

By Kay Heitsch

First, I want to say I am not a counselor or an expert in any way. I will only share things that helped me when our 16-year-old son, Todd, died suddenly in a car accident.

When a loved one dies, I have learned we react to each death differently. What seems evident to me is that our reaction may depend on our personal relationship with the person.

I was 21 when my mom died. She had gone to the hospital for a simple surgery. But, unfortunately, she was put too far under and never came to. Mom's death was a shock! I immediately screamed and felt angry.

On the other hand, my dad had been suffering for 5 years before he passed. So his passing was a relief in a way. Both were sad, but I reacted differently to each.

But now for Todd! I'll try to explain, but it will be hard to describe this reaction. Todd's death was nothing like the pain I felt with any other death. I didn't scream or faint. Nor did I react how I thought I would if I ever heard my child had just died. I felt numb! I was in a haze. Everything was blurry. I could see people, but nothing seemed natural.

I had a war going on in my mind. One side was screaming, "This can't be true! I will not accept it!" But on the other side, I seemed to hear, "This is true; you must accept it and move forward."

Having to pick out Todd's clothes to take to the funeral home seemed to help me deal with the "fact" that Todd was dead. I remember thinking, "If this is not real, why are you picking out these clothes?"

Going to the funeral home and seeing Todd in the casket was an experience I will never forget. I touched his hand, and it was ice cold. I looked closely at him and said, "Where is Todd? He is not here!" I had never had that experience with any other death.

The first calling hours in Dover were a comfort. I could see how many people loved Todd. His classmates were so kind and loving.

Having to go through each experience helped me accept that Todd was dead and would not be walking through the door he went out of.

It was rough in the days that followed. Finally, the numbness was wearing off, and reality was setting in. I could see I wasn't going to be able to handle Todd's death. I felt overwhelmed! I didn't want to leave the house for fear of breaking down in public. I needed help!

For some reason, I knew God was the only one who could help me. I wanted something positive to come out of this tragedy! But I knew I was not in any condition to bring that about. So I prayed!

I had not prayed in many years. I didn't think or feel I needed God in my life. But now, I had come up with something I could not handle.

God met me where I was. It was funny because I remember thinking, "God, You know what You're getting when You get me! Have at it! Please bring something positive out of Todd's death. If you can use me, I'm available." Then, suddenly, I felt liquid love flowing all over me. It was an incredible experience!

God has brought many great things out of Todd's death. What's interesting are the things that happened. I've done nothing I would have ever thought I would do. I've learned that if something is God's plan for my life, it will undoubtedly be something I can not do alone. I will need God to be in complete control.

The things I have done have had many people scratching their heads. So many things are something only some people would want to do. But that's okay; God's plan for my life is different from that He has for you! We are all unique, and God has a plan for us.

Dealing with death is different for all of us. However, God's plans bring good out of all the tragedies in our lives when we turn them over to Him.

I Want What They Have

By Kay Heitsch

God will meet you where you are to take you where He wants you to go. ~ God Will Teach You Quotes

I was not a Christian when Todd died. I don't know what I considered myself, but I knew I wanted nothing to do with religion.

Many years before Todd's death, I started reading some books by Dr. Norman V. Peale. Dr. Peale told stories about people with tremendous faith and love for the Lord. Their lives were completely different from anyone I knew. I wanted that kind of life!

After Todd died, I bought myself a Bible. I figured I'd buy a Bible and study it to see if I could find what these people had. Plus, I had some questions I needed answered. God met me where I was. The more I studied, the more I learned. I was learning how to live an overcoming life depending on the Lord.

As I continued studying, I started to develop a personal relationship with the author of the Bible. Finally, I could see how it was all connected. Slowly, I was beginning to understand how these people Dr. Peale talked about lived their lives of faith and love.

God met me where I was, and eventually, I found what these people had that I wanted. What I learned was these people had a personal relationship with the Lord. So now I have that too, and my life has never been the same.

Remembering

By Kay Heitsch

Remember the good times be strong in the difficult times, laugh always, laugh often, and thank God every day. ~ Remembering Quotes ~

Dear Todd,

Every year when February 6th rolls around I have a lot to think about and be thankful for.

This was the day you left this earth. Remember we were going to do something special to celebrate Grandpa's death? Who would have imagined it was our last day together on earth?

I think back and remember how God has been with me from the very beginning, even though I did not know Him. He has brought amazing things out of your passing.

I love you, Todd. I love your crazy sense of humor. You sure did laugh always and often. Your friends remember you this way.

Thank you for giving me and others so many happy memories..

Love you always, Mom